Enemies beware! I now have a unicorn that shoots glitter…and FIRE! And smoke. I have the power of bubbles, and I will shoot them at the eyes of mine enemies!!! IT WILL STING A LITTLE BIT!!! MUAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! TAKE THAT!
As we ride away from your battered glittery body, the rubber duckie henchman in my lap shall hurl insults at our foes!!
Starling: *Points at Tea Time Magazine on the shelf* “Hey, Master Betty. Will you flip through that real quick and see if it looks stupid or if there are lots of colorful pretty tea party pictures and treats in there? I’m thinking of ordering it and I wanna make sure I’m not totally thinking it’s the wrong thing and is some weird political stuff or something, but I don’t want to ruin this issue for myself if it’s the one that comes to me first.”
Master Betty: *Picks up magazine. Hides it under his arm. Searches for a manly magazine. Inserts feminine Tea Time Magazine inside manly book, and then flips through it.* “Yep. It’s all artsy and shit. It looks like you’d like it. So, you’re having tea parties now? Like-”
Starling: “Yay! I’m gonna order it!” *Skips off like AJ Lee from Wrestling*
Master Betty: “This shenanigan better not involve anything that stains! Hey! Come back!”
Every time I get that Bruno Mars song ‘Gorilla’ stuck in my head, I walk around singing it and within seconds the lyrics have changed from ‘Gorilla’ to ‘Godzilla’. That’s how it stays all day long.
“You and me baby makin’ love like Godzillas!” Sounds destructive…
Could it sound tame? Let’s see…
‘Making love like chinchillas’ at least wouldn’t be violent.
Or perhaps it could be toned down with ‘making love all vanilla’?
Or maybe replacing it with a flower name or something asexual like that would make the ‘love’ part sound like good deeds and making the world a better place…’making love like daffodillas’.
Hmm…guess I’ll just stick with Godzilla.
*Mizzy Kitty runs by*
Starling: *Geek laughter* “I love having a little ninja in the house!”
Mizzy in the other room: “MEOW! REOW! REOW!!! MEOW!!!” *punches something plastic vigorously*
Master Betty: “She’s not a very quiet ninja.”
*While driving home from the grocery*
Starling: All right. Let’s do some imagination stimulation. I’ll go first. See those three kids over there; one on a bike, another on a skateboard, and one in the strange contraption they have connected to the bike? They’re on an adventure. Right now this town is in great danger, but none of us would believe them if they told us. An evil vampire, of course, and his creepy ghoul have kidnapped bike-guy’s little sister and the girl who was babysitting her. He’s totally in love with the babysitter. They’re rushing haphazardly across the street right now because they’ve just found out where he’s keeping her and they have to get there before the vampire sacrifices his little sister and turns his girlfriend into his vampire mistress who will then help him kill us all. Now your turn. Go!”
Master Betty: “Eh, I don’ t know.”
Starling: “How about the car in front us with the three pink initials on the back window that probably stand for her first, middle, and last name? What’s with that?”
Master Betty: “L.R.M. are not her initials. Why would someone put initials on their car? Who knows who she is, and who would care?”
Starling: “Her friends.”
Master Betty: “She does’t have any friends. Those initials are a game code: left, right, middle. All her friends are dead. Her family too. Anyone left alive hates her.” As an afterthought he adds, “The end.”
Starling: “W-why do all your half of the imagination games always end with everyone dead?! But I guess that’s a pretty good start.”
Master Betty: “No. It’s the end. There’s no reason for her to go on.”
*Master Betty walks into room and looks down at Starling’s plate of corned beef hash*
Master Betty: “Oh. Nevermind. It makes sense now.”
Master Betty: “It makes sense now why the cat came in here meowing and complaining to me like she was telling on your for something. She thinks you’re eating cat food.” *Wrinkles nose at Starling’s breakfast*
Starling: “…Well…maybe she wants a bite of-”
Master Betty: “No! We can’t feed something like that to the cat!”
Starling while getting ready for a shower:
“Where are my Batman pajama pants?” *Digs through closet* “I can’t find them. Have you seen them? Here’s my bat-shirt…”
Master Betty: “Why would I have your Batman pajamas? They don’t even fit me-”
Starling interrupts with a gruff, angry Batman voice: “WHERE IS SHE?! I mean, WHERE ARE THEY?!”
Master Betty: “Agh! See? This is what I’m talking about! You don’t hit them in the head first! It makes them all cloudy and-”
Starling: “Oh, here they are.”